Shoes and a Haircut

I got new shoes and a haircut and I feel pretty damn good. I feel sassy, beautiful, and special. I don’t feel guilty about it either. I don’t mind talking about it. I know that it is important for a girl to feel good about herself regardless of shape or size, and shoes (especially shoes) make me happy!

Our culture today sends many messages to girls and women: fortunately it’s shifting towards a healthy body image, no matter what that looks like. Let me tell you a little about myself- when I was in middle school I had no curves. Nothing. I used to buy men’s jeans because they were straight and fit well. When I wore a belt, it was to keep my pants from falling down because I had no hips to hold them up. Hips, waist, chest, same size. Go forward a few years, I had my first son at 19 years old. I missed the memo about not eating like a pig. I ate whatever I wanted and gained 65 pounds. I topped my hubby in weight: that was a sad, sad day. After kid two and three, I yo-yo dieted and exercised to bounce between a size 10 and 14. I still do. I learned that women are supposed to be shaped like apples, or pears. I guess I’m more of a banana or cucumber? I struggled with feeling pretty for years. I stopped caring about my clothes fitting good, and never thought about what style clothing would enhance my figure, no matter what size I was.

Self-esteem is important, and much of that is tied up in appearance, whether we like it or not. We can say that what’s important is on the inside, which is true, but I think it’s both. A girl truly feels good about herself when she knows she is awesome inside and out. About 7 years ago I had a moment where I decided I was sick of not feeling pretty. I watched 25 episodes of “What Not to Wear” and started really thinking about my appearance. I watched youtube tutorials on makeup. You might think that is really shallow- I don’t care. It changed everything for me. I found that as my outward appearance improved, my inward self became more confident. I started to enjoy shopping (usually at Goodwill and clearance racks). I started eating healthier, and regardless of my body shape or size I started feeling good about myself. Some say “it doesn’t matter what you look like”, but I would argue that it does. Outward and inward confidence are directly related. A girl who feels good about herself can be a blessing to others. Low self-esteem can lead to depression and so many other things, and is devastating for a woman. Also, when you notice a girl looks good, let her know! Compliments are wonderful!

What God says about us is clear: he created us beautiful inside and out. He designed us carefully, specifically, looks, personality, and all. Our inward self is most important. Who we are is what is important to God: his beloved children! That is not based on looks! However… In Song of Solomon, written ages ago, it was common knowledge jewelry made a girl feel more beautiful. Outward beauty was defined culturally then, as it is now. “Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver.” (Song of Solomon 1:10-11) I just love this sensual book of the Bible, how love is expressed through most beautiful language, and the desire to let a woman know how beautiful she is.

Here’s my appeal to ladies everywhere: do what you have to do to make yourself feel more beautiful. Whatever that is. It’s not about your size as much as being healthy, and how you feel about yourself. If makeup makes you feel pretty, wear it!  If no makeup makes you feel natural and beautiful, go for it! You want to rock that bikini on your vacation, do it!  If it makes you feel pretty, GO! Everyone is different, and has different ideas of beautiful. For me it’s shoes and hair. For you it might be new perfume, or a really well-fitting pair of jeans, or mascara that makes your eyes look amazing. You are worth it! Go feel good about yourself!

Fair

Ah, the plight of the middle child. Second born, but first to point out an injustice. Recent transgressions have resulted in a consequence- no car or phone for two weeks. Because I am not a complete tyrant, there was a rider that allowed earning back some privileges, provided that he become a model of respect and honesty.

Unfortunately he came home from school with a report that, after a poll of all his friends, my judgement was unfair and "ridiculous" and he asked me to explain my reasoning. I tried in as many ways as I could, and he still didn't get it. Voices elevated. Finally he declared "maybe you should just write it down, so I can figure it out!".

I was happy to oblige.

"You are grounded for two weeks, and here is why. I want you to learn to live a life filled with behavior that gives God glory, is respectful and full of integrity, and allows you to be viewed by important others with respect. Important others are God, grandma & grandpas, aunts and uncles, siblings, neighbors, coworkers, employers, teachers, and friends. I love you, and want you to be safe. Sixteen years ago God gave me you, a most wonderful gift, and I would do anything to protect that gift. I am also responsible to God for what I do with that gift, so I take parenting very seriously.

Lying, cheating, and self-centeredness are negative qualities that you have demonstrated recently, and it pains my heart to see you choosing these behaviors. I did not teach you to act in such a manner, and that has repercussions as well. You have humiliated me before my friends. That is unacceptable. You have spoken to me with utter disrespect. That is unacceptable. Following your every impulsive whim and worldly desire is childish, egotistical, and immature, and demonstrates to me a deep need for stronger parenting. You have clearly expressed that you don’t understand why you are grounded, so I’m laying it out on paper for you so that you will, perhaps, better understand. I see that some people learn in different ways, so maybe this letter will help. "

I continued to lay out specific details. I printed it, and watched as he read it. He remained expressionless. He folded it in two, laid it on the coffee table, and retreated to his room in silence. Ten minutes later he came to me with his cell phone, which he had previously (without me knowing) removed from my bedroom. "Sorry, I took this. Take it back."

Lately I have felt like a horrible parent, at the end of my rope, sometimes on the edge of crazy. The returned phone surprised me and all I could say was "thanks".

 But he brought it back, and I will consider that a victory.

Blogging again

Years ago when my kids were small I started blogging. I always felt like my life was right at the beginning a new, fun, exciting time, or I was right at the edge of my limits. At the time I thought my experiences and insights were funny, and people would be entertained by the crazy. I soon came to realize two things: blogging was good for me, and blog posts can bless others. Maybe you can relate with me. Maybe you can laugh at or with me. Maybe you don't agree with me, or you always felt that way and are glad someone said it. If you are reading this, I thank you for your time, and hope you enjoy my posts.